I’ve been talking about the Peace Corps since I was 14. That’s a solid 10 years, and here I am, over a month into my service as a volunteer in…Jamaica.
Do you love Jamaica? I get asked if I like Jamaica all the time. It’s understandable, my community, my neighbors, my students, all want to make sure that I’m happy, in this, their home. Of course, I say, Jamaica is a beautiful island. No bigger really, then Connecticut, with lush green mountains and beautiful turquoise beaches. Hibiscus bloom all year long. Amazing exotic fruits literally fall off trees at your feet. The children are beautiful (they always are, no matter where in the world, children are just beautiful), the women are strong, the men are, uhm, enthusiastic.
But do I LOVE Jamaica?
Sub-Saharan Africa, my recruiter told me, and for a year, I lived and breathed African literature, politics, history. I tried practicing my French with a co-worker from the Congo. In short, I was committed heart and soul until I opened my Big Blue Envelope sent to all Peace Corps Invitees.
Jamaica.
That’s not in Africa. In fact, that’s awfully close to home.
But I told myself that I didn’t join Peace Corps spend two years on a tax-payer funded vacation, I was doing this to serve, and clearly, this was where they felt my skills (such as they are) would be best utilized. So I took a very deep breath and accepted my invitation.
Now, it’s July, and I’ve been on “the Rock” since mid-March. And I still don’t know if I really “like” Jamaica or not.
Everything I love and hate about Jamaica deserves, and in time will receive, a post of its own. The climate, the food, the people. The harassment. The respect. Taxis. Dancehall. I both adore and detest every single one of these things, depending on the day I’m having, which, I’m given to understand, is pretty much how it is for volunteers everywhere, from South Africa to the South Pacific.
Living in Jamaica is not easy. This shit is HARD, my friends, and as time goes on, I realize more and more why Jamaica has such a high “ET” (early termination) rate.
Why is it so hard? Well, for starters, living in Jamaica is EXACTLY like living in the US while being NOTHING like it at the SAME TIME. From cars to cell phones, from supermarkets to standardized testing, we all feel as though we are in superficially familiar territory. Oh yes, I’ll think. I know how to handle this situation, I am familiar with the Standard Operating Procedure for this mundane daily bit of life. And I will be so. Wrong.
I think I speak for most PCV’s in Jamaica by comparing it to coming home from college, to find your parents have redone your house. It’s still your house, but it doesn’t feel like home. It’s the same thing, but completely different, and it’s very hard to feel at ease.
But so far, almost all of us out of Group 81 (all but one) show no signs of asking for our return ticket early. There have been times where I’ve come close. Really close. So very, very close. What would I go back to though? That’s the question that stops me every time. I left a relationship, but after so many months, could we just pick back up again? Burlington is wonderful, and Vermont will always be home, but what would I do? Wait tables till it’s time to go out for a drink? I can tell you exactly how any given night at any given bar with any given crowd will go. Go back to school? I was a good student, had a great internship, and I interview well. Just like 10′s of 1,000′s of other bright liberal arts majors.
The truth is, is that no matter how much I love Burlington, there’s nothing left for me there. And when ever I’m struck with a particularly crippling bout of homesick, I remind myself of all those insanely annoying people who told me they “thought about the Peace Corps once”. Really? ME TOO. I have thought about MANY things ONE TIME. Raising alpacas, for instance. Dying my hair blonde. Voting for John McCain. Once. My friend once told a particularly annoying kid : “Yeah? You almost joined the Peace Corps? Well, I almost adopted an iguana once.”
Lots of people are all talk. And alot of people who aren’t all talk, and who would love to be in my shoes right now, can’t for one reason or another.
I am living the life that I want. Not many people can say that.
So here I am.
But do I LOVE Jamaica?
Nice insight into the mental workings of a volunteer with an aggressive bent. My guess is that you still will be asking that question as you leave in 2 years.
I was told the other day by another Jam PCV that it took him an entire year before he really felt like he would look fondly back on his experience. Not to say that he or your arnt having a good experience, but I think it plays into the “love Jamaica”. Its always interesting when I have to answer that. Its like answering if you like a gift and you cant say no.. So I usually say yeah Jamaica is beautiful and the children are beautiful.. when sometimes you want to say I sweat my ass off to walk to work got asked about my pum pum and had three marriage proposals just to get the cold shoulder from my boss because he doesnt know how to communicate and have nothing to do- and the electricity is out and there is no water at my apartment.. Oh I love it here!
But were doing it girl.. were doing it. You wont say I almost did PC, or I always wanted to do PC. You will say I served two years in one of the easiest and hardest countries. Plus you met me..
Your honesty is great, Taylor. So often we get this one sided (read: adverts of cruise ships and resorts) view of Jamaica and its people. Rarely is it the truth. Thanks for painting us a more realistic picture.