Back to the “Guys Have It Easier” theme today:

If you’ve ever been to Jamaica, or met a woman who has, they will tell you that, if you are female, and between the ages of 13 and 113, you will attract a lot of attention. Especially if you are white. Especially.

Why is this? Obviously one answer is that we are perceived to be fabulously wealthy- we’re on vacation, aren’t we? There is this myth, clearly told to all boys when they are very young, that white women from a farin hear of the sexual prowess of Jamaican men, and come to Jamaica, and fall in love. The Chosen One will be brought back to America, and given a Visa! And a Green Card! And maybe Citizenship! And will never have to work another day in his life. That’s one answer.

Another is that we stick out, making for easy targets. Jamaican women get this ALL THE TIME too, its part of living in a hyper-sexualized culture. Everyone has a story of some disgusting comment of gesture made to them. Not everyone likes this sort of attention, some do. Bully for them.

But mostly, mostly, it is just that Jamaican men feel obligated to proclaim their heterosexuality as loudly as humanly possible, be the object of desire fat, skinny, black, white, or purple.

In previous posts, I’ve mentioned the harassment, and I’m sure to some people, it dosn’t seem that bad: Waguaan baby loves, me wanna nice likkle white gyaal like yuh, ect, ect. Annoying, sure, but really, nothing you can’t live with, T?
And yes, MOST of it isn’t that big of a deal. It really isn’t. I am not threatened or angered by MOST of it, because there is absolutely NO POINT WHATSOEVER. There is not a damn thing I can do about it.

The problem for us girls- and most of the older women don’t have to experience this as often, although they still do from time to time- is when it starts crossing the line between the casual, non-committal (its reflexive, I swear, sometimes) into the downright lewd, disgusting, and disturbing. When this happens, it upsets your personal equilibrium to the point where you feel like you can’t function. It makes you feel dirty. It makes you want to scream and cry at the same time.

What makes it TEN TIMES worse is when it comes from someone who you would think would know better, or at least respect you enough to keep his ridiculous bullshit to himself. Today was the breaking point in a long build-up for me with someone whom I am forced to see multiple times a week and work in quite close quarters with.

The backstory:

My supervisor runs many small businesses, and one of those is a busy cook shop in the upstairs front room of the building I work in. Our office is directly behind it, so I walk through the cook shop to get to work and back through it to use the bathroom, multiple times a day. One of the cooks began pulling the usual crap pretty much from day one, but not all the time, and to no greater extent the taxi drivers who come in for breakfast and lunch.

I ignored it at first, because in most cases, that works- if they can’t get a rise out of you, it quickly becomes boring. It did no go so.

I explained politely, firmly- MANY times that it was inappropriate, it showed no respect for me, and besides, he hadn’t a chance in hell.
And by many times, I mean, several times a week. It did no go so.

I angrily laid down the law. Nope, nothing doing, and the declarations of love, and insinuations were getting worse by the day.

Which brings up to today. I was wrapping up my work for the day- productive, for once- and the guy comes into the office, and starts in on me. I should mention that another woman was in the office and did NOTHING to help me despite my obvious distress.
Its all the usual I’m crazy about yous and I love yous and I dream about yous, and then…
then…
the fucker starts talking about me taking a shower. And describing it.
I lost it. I yelled. About respect, and how he clearly dosn’t have any for me. About what is and isn’t appropriate. And how it would never fucking happen.
And you know what he said?
He threatened to kill himself. And told me I would be sorry.
I grabbed my bag and walked past him without saying another word, went to my supervisor and said “You HAVE to do something about him. I can’t do anything, I’ve tried everything, I CANNOT deal with this anymore.”
She agreed, but I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if he’ll listen to her or not. I don’t know, and I sure as hell don’t want to go to the office tomorrow.

So when you hear a female PVC talk about harassment, don’t dismiss it out of hand. Yes, my guy friends get alot of attention from Jamaican girls, and guys are far more likely to be treated as a walking cash machine, but no guy will ever have to sit and listen to the parish RADA director offer to set up a bed for them in his office. (True story. Mine.) Guys don’t have to worry if standing up for themselves is going to incite someone to “teach them a lesson.”
The taxi drivers can call out all they want, and it is totally obnoxious. But it is equally true that most know where the line is. Its really scary when they don’t.