Ladies, this post’s for you.
Respect…as a 25 year old white girl who is both small and very curvy, I have had to work double-time to ensure that my days are as harassment-free as possible. And remarkably, they ARE harassment free.
Really, though, these days I very rarely experience the kinds of unwanted attention that alot of female volunteers complain about. There are many reasons for this.
1) NO SPAGHETTI STRAPS. Ever. (More on this later.) Or shorts. Or short skirts. Or strapless. Or really tight anything. Or any combination of the above. Yes, I know it’s really hot out. But while that extra inch or two of coverage really doesn’t make a difference in your body temperature, it does mean a world of difference in how you are perceived by Jamaican men. Take a look around you and notice how what Jamaican women wear is indicative of social status and the respect and attention they command from their communities.
2) I walk like I mean it. I talk like I mean it. I make it a point to project a “don’t fuck with me” attitude at all times, and even more so when not at site. It’s hard to describe this, because I’m not glaring down every passer-by, but I try to pretend I know what I’m about and to give the impression that I am not an easy target for anyone’s nonsense.
3) After a couple months at site, you’ll be able (if you’re paying attention) to recognize when someone’s comment is just their way of complimenting you or if they have lewder intentions in mind.
A great example of this occurred last week. I was wearing a pair of jeans I’d brought back from the States (not new but new-to-Claremont) and my friend Cliffy called out “Yuh look sexy in those jeans!” In my first few months I would have taken this the wrong way completely. Now, I know that Cliffy sincerely thinks that I look good (sexy being a really high complement). He wouldn’t say so otherwise.
The counterpoint would be an experience I had a few days later, walking past a group of much older men (70′s, I would say). I was dressed as usual in a tshirt and skirt, nothing out of the ordinary, and most of the comments were standard: “Miss Taylor yuh look good!(I always respond with a “Thank you!”) On this occasion, it did cross the line when one of them made a comment about my breasts. Without breaking stride or missing a beat, I firmly but lightheartedly called back that comments like that weren’t ok. “Okay, sorry Miss Taylor! Sorry bout dat baby!” If you draw the line without making a big deal, or “shaming” anyone, your boundaries are far more likely to be respected (and defended for you!).
4) TALK TO PEOPLE. Seriously. I cannot stress enough the importance of developing your “chat” skills. The people of the community in which you live are curious. They want to know who you are, what you’re about, “how yuh stay”. Say good morning. To goats, even. Say “good afternoon”, “good evening”, “good night”. It goes miles, but you need to take it further. Compliment tidy yards, nails, shirts, whatever. Be sincere, though. This will get two important groups on your side: Old ladies (who will talk about you), and young men (who will TALK ABOUT YOU). Especially the boys who are calling out- don’t stop and chat all the time, especially at first, but don’t ignore them either. They really don’t know any other way to act, so
you sort of have to show them how to treat you if they want 30 seconds of your company.
And I know that PC and the LCF’s have talked about this alot, but really, it works. It does. And if you sincerely put in the effort (it takes time), you will notice a big change, not only in how your community treats you, but in how you perceive those interactions. It is INCREDIBLY rewarding, but…
There is no point at which you can stop, and today was a good reminder of that for me. It was so hot. So very hot, and I was traveling to and from a hotter part of the parish. I was wearing a strappy dress (Patagonia, for crying out loud, so you know it’s not slutty) with a strappy tank underneath for extra modesty. The trip started off with a cardigan too, but I took it off, and the SECOND I did, the interactions with men changed. Even with men I know, who usually treat me with loads of respect. Absolutely due to what I was wearing. (Obviously, the cardigan went back on.)
So girls/ladies/wimynn, please, please, please take responsibility for yourselves. You really do have the power to dictate how you are treated here in Jamaica, and shape the sorts of attention you receive. If you show up wearing the wrong thing, complaining about what some guy on the road said to you, I have very little sympathy. Sure, maybe things shouldn’t be the way that they are, BUT, it is how they are. Remember that it is your choice to be here, and it is completely up to you how you spend your two years: Bitching about the culture, or taking it in stride and appreciating what you can.
(Steps off soap box.)
